Sweet Hocaine

God, I love CSI Miami. It's not like, good, but I love it. It's a fever dream version of CSI: Original Flavour and CSI: NY.

Observations:

The CSIs Miami are like indoor cats. They keep escaping the lab and killing the local wildlife (citizens of Florida).

Horatio Caine has two emotions and you will get to experience them both:

Emotion 1: Oh god my son might have killed someone HE CAN'T GO BACK TO JAIL
Emotion 2: I will personally defeat the Russian mob with my bare fists.


I am pretty sure every CSIs Miami is a republican. Calleigh for sure.

The show keeps narrating that Horatio Caine will protect all the little children, defend all women, and personally end racism. What Horatio does in practice is blow up boats with rockets while hanging upside down from helicopters.

Horatio and Delko's murder vacation in South America that is revisited in a later season where Horatio murders his way out again in a five minute episode intro and is never mentioned again haunts me in ways I'm not sure how to articulate.


I've really gotta finish that fic I'm working on, 5 Explanations For Horatio Caine.