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Author's note: This was written back in 2004, right after the start of the new Teen Titans comic. I chose not to update it with the new canon when I went back to fix this up, so this is like a wonderful trip back in time.
Disclaimer: Belongs to DC. Except Ohio. And Hasbro owns the ponies.
Warnings: None, except for the passage of time.
Fandom: Young Justice/Teen Titans.
Genre: Adventure
Rating: G
Pairing: Kon/Bart
Thanks to: Ann Larimer and Snacky who beta’d, and Jenny who told me what made no sense.
Archived: On AO3
Saving Ohio
by Rosencrantz
Once upon a time there was a little speedster. His name was Bart. He used to be called Impulse, but then he one day he got to thinking and changed it to Kid Flash.
He had a great many friends who he used to adventure with, but for various reasons many of them had gone away and all he had now were three. There was Cassie, who was a wonder and a Wonder Girl, and just his favourite girl; and Tim, who was Robin, and who was very smart and seemed to twitch when around Bart, but Bart was sure it was from affection.
And then there was Kon.
Kon, who was currently being veryunappreciative of Bart's attempts to let him share the glory of breaking the biggest mystical crime syndicate that Ohio had ever seen.
Stupid Kon.
"Look, Impu--"
"Kid Flash"
"... Look, Impulse, it's just a plastic horse. With a picture on its butt. It is not a symbol of a dark underground."
"UnderGOD, Superboy."
"Whatever," said Kon.
"But, but..." Bart zoomed around Kon, giving him puppy eyes from every angle. "It's big! It's dangerous! We need to save the Ohions!"
"I think they're called Ohioans, and why don't you go bother Robin or Cassie?"
"Because I want your help."
"Did they turn you down?"
Bart went fuzzy, disappeared, and reappeared. "They have now. Come on come on come on come on!"
"I've got homework to do..." Kon began. Then he realized what he was saying.
"Pleeeeas--" Bart began, before getting snatched up by Kon and flown out a window towards Ohio.
*--------------------*
"So. Petal Blossom is a sign of the coming Ohio apocalypse, is it?" Kon said, holding up a package with a gaily coloured plastic pony inside. On the way to Cuyahoga Falls, Bart and Kon had argued. There’d been accusations that the whole business was a poorly thought out ploy on Bart’s part to spend time with Kon again. Bart had spent ten seconds in an angry sulk before forgetting to be mad, and declared to Kon that when they got to Cuyahoga Falls’ Toys R Us, all would be revealed.
"You gotta invert the symbol and you'll see! It was in this really dusty book in the library that sortagotdamagedbutIpaidforitlateranyway.It'sasymbolofthearavagerwhocomesforou---"
"That's nice, Bart. He's kinda cute. Do you think Cass would like him?"
"You're missing the point!" Bart wailed. Behind him, a row of ponies glowed ominously. “And Petal Blossom is a girl!”
"You're right. I should get her something that says 'I respect you, but I also respect your femininity and your need for extra accessories,'" said Kon as he leaned down to peruse a shelf. "How's this one? It has a little raincoat."
"That’s Star Swirl. See the twisting symbol on her? She summons Baal, the eater of children."
"Oh, you like it? Good."
Bart opened his mouth, about to explain that he could just solve this all on his own if Kon was going to be like that and he’d just invited Kon along because Kon was his friend and he hadn’t been lonely and missing having adventures with him at all like he was sure Kon had been so really Bart was doing Kon the favour... but that’s when the tranquillizer darts hit.
*--------------------*
When he finally closed his mouth, he was in a ten by ten room, with Kon passed out on top of him, drooling slightly.
Bart tried to push Kon off. "I knew it. I knew you were a drooler."
"Ten more minutes, Mrs. Kent..."
"Wake up! You've been drugged!"
Kon grunted and shifted on Bart, but that was the extent of his attempts to get up. "You have very bony knees, you know that, Imp?"
"We've been kidnapped. I should have left a note. Max always told me to leave a note."
"Did he?"
"Well, he would have if it had ever come up."
"I really have to go to the bathroom..." muttered Kon sleepily as he finally stood up, swaying. There didn't appear to be a chamberpot or a far enough away corner. Bart's blood ran cold. Who knew what effect Kryptonian wee might have in an enclosed environment? Plus, it was gross.
Quickly he shoved his near-comatose partner in crime-fighting into a far corner (perhaps he shoved a bit too hard - Kon bounced a little), and started pacing in an attempt to figure out what to do next. He was distressed to discover he couldn't even leave a groove in the floor and when he tried to vibrate through the walls, all he received for his troubles was a bloody nose and a swollen lip.
After performing his human rubber ball imitation a few more times, Bart curled up to heal. Beside him, Kon made little sleeping noises.
"Bart...."
"We are in enemy territory. Who knows who could be listening. I am Kid Flash."
"...I'm going back to sleep. I had two Cassies in there."
Bart twitched.
"Are there really pink elephants in the room?" Kon asked dreamily.
Bart leapt onto Kon, grabbing his shoulders.. "Are you hallucinating? Are you dying? DO YOU SEE A BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT? Stay away from it!"
"...wow you're pretty. Have I mentioned this?" slurred Kon, reaching up for Bart's face.
"Yes. The last few times you were drugged and incoherent," Bart said and vibrated. "Are you better yet? We have to break free and save the great Cornhusker state."
"The Cornhusker state is Nebraska. Wait...what did you do those other times?"
"I told Robin you were talking about him."
"...oh you little basta--"
"Yay! You’re better! Please let go of my throat!"
Kon squeezed. Bart squeaked. They were shot with tranquilizer darts again.
*--------------------*
"You know, I've seen you in enough bunny costumes to last me for the rest of my life now."
Bart just seemed to ignore him and spun in a circle trying to get a good look at his back. "Is this what it feels like to be Wonder Woman? Doesn’t she get cold?"
"I'm going to go ask them to drug us again."
"No! That's giving in to their insane demands!"
"They haven't given us any demands, they've just put you in a playboy bunny costume."
"It could be a demand. In um, their evil sinister language--I'm going to be traumatized if I think about this." Bart tugged at the costume. It wasn't actually a playboy bunny costume. It was pink pastel tights with ruffles across the backside and long fuzzy bunny ears, which was actually more disturbing than a Playboy bunny costume. It looked like an echo of the girls Easter toys that showed up in the toy aisles each spring. “It probably means rebirth. Or being crucified.”
Kon sat down and tried not to look at Bart. Laughter was a bad strategic choice. Bart hit faster. Bart had informed him that Bart was on 'the edge'. Kon wasn't entirely sure that he knew what edge Bart was talking about, but was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
The costume didn't look too bad. Kon didn't want to think about that. He also didn't want to think about the last time he saw Bart in a bunny costume, that very unpleasant dream where he had to face the guilt he had for the people who had died because of him (or in Bart's case, entered in a coma.) Or the ongoing question about where exactly Bart lived in his mind, as teammate or a girl he'd liked, like the other victims in his dream.
Not that he thought of Bart as a girl. Bart had just fallen into a coma after what had happened to Tana Moon and Cherub. It was spillover. Kon knew very well Bart was a boy and thought of him being a boy all the time.
Kon shook his head in frustration to dislodge that train of thought. It's just that he'd been under a lot of guilt at the time, especially after his questionable leadership had gotten Bart so hurt. That was all. Bart was his little buddy.
He wished Bart wasn't wearing that costume.
Kon wondered what Bart thought of the elf costume their captors had put him in. He looked like a Robin.
"In any case, the druggings, the costumes, it’s all part of their plan. Their evil plan. As detailed in the points program pamphlet in the back of the boxes."
"Their evil plan is you with bunny ears and frilly...cloth items."
"Yes. It's insidious."
"No more tranq darts for you."
"They need a sacrifice, you see."
"Oh. Of course. Makes perfect sense."
"I don't think you're taking this as seriously as you could, Superboy."
"I'm just going slowly insane. Please stop um, stretching."
"I need to be prepared to leap into action at any moment."
Kon groaned. Bart stopped stretching abruptly and began pacing again. "We need a plan. When they drag me up to the volcano, you should find some way to take out their leader while my death distracts them."
"Why doesn't Robin ever have days like this?" Kon said bemusedly. “Wait. What volcano?”
“I think every day is like this for Robin.” Bart was suddenly crouching down beside Kon. "Do you understand the plan?"
"Um, they open the door and we run?"
"No! Death! Noble sacrifice!"
"It's Ohio." Kon paused. "It's Ohio and it has a volcano?"
"It's a underground volcano. There's a complex evil civilization living under the Jayhawk State."
"That's Kansas. And you said that you got this out of a library book?" Kon paused, remembering the stream of words. “At least, I think that’s what you said.”
"The power of books, old chum."
"Why didn't you ever mention the underground volcano before?"
Bart shrugged. "I thought I did. A bunch of times."
"No. You didn’t. You need to use the outside your head voice. Or the normal hearing speeds voice. You know, Cas--" Kon caught Bart's glare. "Wonder Girl would have had a better plan than watch me die stupidly in a bunny costume."
"It's a perfectly good plan. Now, when they start chanting, bright happy pink horses will start climbing out of the pit... you must follow them and use your laser vision or something."
"...did I tell you I could do that now? I don’t remember telling you."
Bart waved his hand dismissively. "I've been watching you. I get bored."
"I think I feel violated."
"Do you?"
"Not really, I just felt I should say that. Okay, I watch you die, do a little victory jig and take out the cultists?"
"You aren't intending to do a thing I said, are you."
"No. I think I can break open the door, actually. I've been testing it while you plotted your suicide. Being in a bunnysuit isn't the end of the world, you know. Remember the time you wore a cheerleader costume?" Kon stopped talking, remembering that time himself.
"It's very drafty, okay, plus it’s not exactly... boy cut. And you're going to tell Robin and Wonder Girl,” said Bart, not seeming to notice Kon’s frozen silence.
Kon rallied. "Of course I am. And Cyborg and Beast Boy. But that's not the point. I've dreamt about you like that anyway."
"Waaay too much sharing, Kon."
"No, it was just a guilt thing about you dying and stuff. The bunny suit was just some insane dream thing! Really. It wasn’t like that at all!"
Bart looked at him in silence.
Kon decided that was the time to blow up the door, grab Bart and flee.
*--------------------*
Bart was not sacrificed to the volcano.
Kon discovered exactly what America’s cutest commercial products were a front for. It was The Hugga-Tugga-Thuggees cult all over again, except this time with more Shirley Temple and pink plastic.
And the fight was glorious.
*--------------------*
They headed to the Titan’s tower once Bart got some pants. Bart figured Kon needed some moral support after what they’d seen and fought down under Ohio. Sitting on the couch with Bart on one side and Robin on his laptop on the other, Kon clutched a soda can and seemed a little dazed by the days events. Or maybe all the tranquilizer darts.
"I thought Shirley Temple grew up, Bart," Kon looked glassy-eyed over his drink. "I...I should have believed you."
Patting Kon on the shoulder, Bart was filled with pity for his poor Super-friend. “It wasn’t the real Shirley Temple. Just a Shirley Temple.”
"Um, where were you two today?" asked Cassie, looking up from her homework.
"Saving Ohio."
"Fighting a mutant hydra using the face of Shirley Temple who intended to eat our souls in a pink plastic extravaganza of gore."
Cassie raised an eyebrow at Kon.
"They don’t need to know, Kon.They won’t understand," said Bart scornfully.
"This was all your fault!" Kon gave Bart an accusing glare.
Bart frowned. "Oh, Robin? Kon got drugged and said you were pretty again."
"Great." Robin didn't even look up from his computer.
"I did not! I said you were! I always do!"
There was a pause.
"When I'm suffering from delusions and drugs and possibly head injuries, of course."
The pause continued. Robin and Cassie were both actually looking at Kon now.
"I hate everyone in the whole world right now," Kon muttered.
Robin slid a few inches down the couch, away from Kon.
"He dreams about me in bunny costumes," said Bart cheerily.
Kon whimpered and buried his face in his hands.
"I'm trying to get some work done, can you two be weird somewhere else?" Cassie said, frowning at her papers.
Bart handed her a small plastic package with a pink horse staring out with a vacant smile. "Hey, Kon got you this."
Cassie snatched it from his grasp, and began tearing open the package. "Oooh. It has a little raincoat and everything."
"What happened to you needing to work?"
"Raincoat!" Cassie replied. She might have squealed, just a little. “I loved these as a kid. Thank you, Kon!”
"And what happened to it being a symbol of the dark undergod?" Kon challenged.
"We defeated the dark undergod, Kon," said Bart patronizingly.
"...ah." Kon blinked. “It’s been a long day, Bart. I think I just hit my limit.”
“Wasn’t it nice saving things, just the two of us?” Bart leaned back on the couch, a big smile on his face. “We should do that more often. Without costumes.”
Kon choked on his soda.
“No more bunny ears for me,” Bart continued.
Kon stopped coughing. “You didn’t look that bad.”
Robin slid another inch away.
“Hm,” was all Bart said, looking at his legs. Then he looked up. “It was better than your elf costume.”
“You just ruined the moment, Imp,” said Kon.
Cassie finished unpacking the pony’s accessories. “Now that you saved the world, are you ready for your next big adventure? Like the schoolwork you told me you were starting at...” Cassie looked at the clock. “About the time you said Bart took you on an adventure? Why are you still here?”
"Because I've had a long day, I've fought menaces of the underworld, had to endure Imp doing aerobics in frilly... cloth items, and this couch is very comfortable."
"I do more before noon," Robin said.
"Shut up."
Bart snuggled up against Kon and beamed at him. "We saved Ohio!"
"Yes, yes we did. Please go away before I hurt you."
"So... you dream about me?" Bart said smugly.
"Guilt! It was guilt! It was followed by a soldier singing about necrophilia!"
"And this was when I was in a coma?"
"...yes."
"Cassie!" Bart yelled. “Kon’s scaring me!”
"Go away. Both of you. Go take Bart out for a milkshake like a good Kansas boy, Kon,” said Cassie.
"Fine! I will!" Kon stood up, dragging Bart by his hand to the door before it occurred to him what Cassie meant. He looked down. Bart batted his eyelashes. Kon said, "Screw it," and flew off with Bart in tow.
Disclaimer: Belongs to DC. Except Ohio. And Hasbro owns the ponies.
Warnings: None, except for the passage of time.
Fandom: Young Justice/Teen Titans.
Genre: Adventure
Rating: G
Pairing: Kon/Bart
Thanks to: Ann Larimer and Snacky who beta’d, and Jenny who told me what made no sense.
Archived: On AO3
by Rosencrantz
Once upon a time there was a little speedster. His name was Bart. He used to be called Impulse, but then he one day he got to thinking and changed it to Kid Flash.
He had a great many friends who he used to adventure with, but for various reasons many of them had gone away and all he had now were three. There was Cassie, who was a wonder and a Wonder Girl, and just his favourite girl; and Tim, who was Robin, and who was very smart and seemed to twitch when around Bart, but Bart was sure it was from affection.
And then there was Kon.
Kon, who was currently being veryunappreciative of Bart's attempts to let him share the glory of breaking the biggest mystical crime syndicate that Ohio had ever seen.
Stupid Kon.
"Look, Impu--"
"Kid Flash"
"... Look, Impulse, it's just a plastic horse. With a picture on its butt. It is not a symbol of a dark underground."
"UnderGOD, Superboy."
"Whatever," said Kon.
"But, but..." Bart zoomed around Kon, giving him puppy eyes from every angle. "It's big! It's dangerous! We need to save the Ohions!"
"I think they're called Ohioans, and why don't you go bother Robin or Cassie?"
"Because I want your help."
"Did they turn you down?"
Bart went fuzzy, disappeared, and reappeared. "They have now. Come on come on come on come on!"
"I've got homework to do..." Kon began. Then he realized what he was saying.
"Pleeeeas--" Bart began, before getting snatched up by Kon and flown out a window towards Ohio.
"So. Petal Blossom is a sign of the coming Ohio apocalypse, is it?" Kon said, holding up a package with a gaily coloured plastic pony inside. On the way to Cuyahoga Falls, Bart and Kon had argued. There’d been accusations that the whole business was a poorly thought out ploy on Bart’s part to spend time with Kon again. Bart had spent ten seconds in an angry sulk before forgetting to be mad, and declared to Kon that when they got to Cuyahoga Falls’ Toys R Us, all would be revealed.
"You gotta invert the symbol and you'll see! It was in this really dusty book in the library that sortagotdamagedbutIpaidforitlateranyway.It'sasymbolofthearavagerwhocomesforou---"
"That's nice, Bart. He's kinda cute. Do you think Cass would like him?"
"You're missing the point!" Bart wailed. Behind him, a row of ponies glowed ominously. “And Petal Blossom is a girl!”
"You're right. I should get her something that says 'I respect you, but I also respect your femininity and your need for extra accessories,'" said Kon as he leaned down to peruse a shelf. "How's this one? It has a little raincoat."
"That’s Star Swirl. See the twisting symbol on her? She summons Baal, the eater of children."
"Oh, you like it? Good."
Bart opened his mouth, about to explain that he could just solve this all on his own if Kon was going to be like that and he’d just invited Kon along because Kon was his friend and he hadn’t been lonely and missing having adventures with him at all like he was sure Kon had been so really Bart was doing Kon the favour... but that’s when the tranquillizer darts hit.
When he finally closed his mouth, he was in a ten by ten room, with Kon passed out on top of him, drooling slightly.
Bart tried to push Kon off. "I knew it. I knew you were a drooler."
"Ten more minutes, Mrs. Kent..."
"Wake up! You've been drugged!"
Kon grunted and shifted on Bart, but that was the extent of his attempts to get up. "You have very bony knees, you know that, Imp?"
"We've been kidnapped. I should have left a note. Max always told me to leave a note."
"Did he?"
"Well, he would have if it had ever come up."
"I really have to go to the bathroom..." muttered Kon sleepily as he finally stood up, swaying. There didn't appear to be a chamberpot or a far enough away corner. Bart's blood ran cold. Who knew what effect Kryptonian wee might have in an enclosed environment? Plus, it was gross.
Quickly he shoved his near-comatose partner in crime-fighting into a far corner (perhaps he shoved a bit too hard - Kon bounced a little), and started pacing in an attempt to figure out what to do next. He was distressed to discover he couldn't even leave a groove in the floor and when he tried to vibrate through the walls, all he received for his troubles was a bloody nose and a swollen lip.
After performing his human rubber ball imitation a few more times, Bart curled up to heal. Beside him, Kon made little sleeping noises.
"Bart...."
"We are in enemy territory. Who knows who could be listening. I am Kid Flash."
"...I'm going back to sleep. I had two Cassies in there."
Bart twitched.
"Are there really pink elephants in the room?" Kon asked dreamily.
Bart leapt onto Kon, grabbing his shoulders.. "Are you hallucinating? Are you dying? DO YOU SEE A BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT? Stay away from it!"
"...wow you're pretty. Have I mentioned this?" slurred Kon, reaching up for Bart's face.
"Yes. The last few times you were drugged and incoherent," Bart said and vibrated. "Are you better yet? We have to break free and save the great Cornhusker state."
"The Cornhusker state is Nebraska. Wait...what did you do those other times?"
"I told Robin you were talking about him."
"...oh you little basta--"
"Yay! You’re better! Please let go of my throat!"
Kon squeezed. Bart squeaked. They were shot with tranquilizer darts again.
"You know, I've seen you in enough bunny costumes to last me for the rest of my life now."
Bart just seemed to ignore him and spun in a circle trying to get a good look at his back. "Is this what it feels like to be Wonder Woman? Doesn’t she get cold?"
"I'm going to go ask them to drug us again."
"No! That's giving in to their insane demands!"
"They haven't given us any demands, they've just put you in a playboy bunny costume."
"It could be a demand. In um, their evil sinister language--I'm going to be traumatized if I think about this." Bart tugged at the costume. It wasn't actually a playboy bunny costume. It was pink pastel tights with ruffles across the backside and long fuzzy bunny ears, which was actually more disturbing than a Playboy bunny costume. It looked like an echo of the girls Easter toys that showed up in the toy aisles each spring. “It probably means rebirth. Or being crucified.”
Kon sat down and tried not to look at Bart. Laughter was a bad strategic choice. Bart hit faster. Bart had informed him that Bart was on 'the edge'. Kon wasn't entirely sure that he knew what edge Bart was talking about, but was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
The costume didn't look too bad. Kon didn't want to think about that. He also didn't want to think about the last time he saw Bart in a bunny costume, that very unpleasant dream where he had to face the guilt he had for the people who had died because of him (or in Bart's case, entered in a coma.) Or the ongoing question about where exactly Bart lived in his mind, as teammate or a girl he'd liked, like the other victims in his dream.
Not that he thought of Bart as a girl. Bart had just fallen into a coma after what had happened to Tana Moon and Cherub. It was spillover. Kon knew very well Bart was a boy and thought of him being a boy all the time.
Kon shook his head in frustration to dislodge that train of thought. It's just that he'd been under a lot of guilt at the time, especially after his questionable leadership had gotten Bart so hurt. That was all. Bart was his little buddy.
He wished Bart wasn't wearing that costume.
Kon wondered what Bart thought of the elf costume their captors had put him in. He looked like a Robin.
"In any case, the druggings, the costumes, it’s all part of their plan. Their evil plan. As detailed in the points program pamphlet in the back of the boxes."
"Their evil plan is you with bunny ears and frilly...cloth items."
"Yes. It's insidious."
"No more tranq darts for you."
"They need a sacrifice, you see."
"Oh. Of course. Makes perfect sense."
"I don't think you're taking this as seriously as you could, Superboy."
"I'm just going slowly insane. Please stop um, stretching."
"I need to be prepared to leap into action at any moment."
Kon groaned. Bart stopped stretching abruptly and began pacing again. "We need a plan. When they drag me up to the volcano, you should find some way to take out their leader while my death distracts them."
"Why doesn't Robin ever have days like this?" Kon said bemusedly. “Wait. What volcano?”
“I think every day is like this for Robin.” Bart was suddenly crouching down beside Kon. "Do you understand the plan?"
"Um, they open the door and we run?"
"No! Death! Noble sacrifice!"
"It's Ohio." Kon paused. "It's Ohio and it has a volcano?"
"It's a underground volcano. There's a complex evil civilization living under the Jayhawk State."
"That's Kansas. And you said that you got this out of a library book?" Kon paused, remembering the stream of words. “At least, I think that’s what you said.”
"The power of books, old chum."
"Why didn't you ever mention the underground volcano before?"
Bart shrugged. "I thought I did. A bunch of times."
"No. You didn’t. You need to use the outside your head voice. Or the normal hearing speeds voice. You know, Cas--" Kon caught Bart's glare. "Wonder Girl would have had a better plan than watch me die stupidly in a bunny costume."
"It's a perfectly good plan. Now, when they start chanting, bright happy pink horses will start climbing out of the pit... you must follow them and use your laser vision or something."
"...did I tell you I could do that now? I don’t remember telling you."
Bart waved his hand dismissively. "I've been watching you. I get bored."
"I think I feel violated."
"Do you?"
"Not really, I just felt I should say that. Okay, I watch you die, do a little victory jig and take out the cultists?"
"You aren't intending to do a thing I said, are you."
"No. I think I can break open the door, actually. I've been testing it while you plotted your suicide. Being in a bunnysuit isn't the end of the world, you know. Remember the time you wore a cheerleader costume?" Kon stopped talking, remembering that time himself.
"It's very drafty, okay, plus it’s not exactly... boy cut. And you're going to tell Robin and Wonder Girl,” said Bart, not seeming to notice Kon’s frozen silence.
Kon rallied. "Of course I am. And Cyborg and Beast Boy. But that's not the point. I've dreamt about you like that anyway."
"Waaay too much sharing, Kon."
"No, it was just a guilt thing about you dying and stuff. The bunny suit was just some insane dream thing! Really. It wasn’t like that at all!"
Bart looked at him in silence.
Kon decided that was the time to blow up the door, grab Bart and flee.
Bart was not sacrificed to the volcano.
Kon discovered exactly what America’s cutest commercial products were a front for. It was The Hugga-Tugga-Thuggees cult all over again, except this time with more Shirley Temple and pink plastic.
And the fight was glorious.
They headed to the Titan’s tower once Bart got some pants. Bart figured Kon needed some moral support after what they’d seen and fought down under Ohio. Sitting on the couch with Bart on one side and Robin on his laptop on the other, Kon clutched a soda can and seemed a little dazed by the days events. Or maybe all the tranquilizer darts.
"I thought Shirley Temple grew up, Bart," Kon looked glassy-eyed over his drink. "I...I should have believed you."
Patting Kon on the shoulder, Bart was filled with pity for his poor Super-friend. “It wasn’t the real Shirley Temple. Just a Shirley Temple.”
"Um, where were you two today?" asked Cassie, looking up from her homework.
"Saving Ohio."
"Fighting a mutant hydra using the face of Shirley Temple who intended to eat our souls in a pink plastic extravaganza of gore."
Cassie raised an eyebrow at Kon.
"They don’t need to know, Kon.They won’t understand," said Bart scornfully.
"This was all your fault!" Kon gave Bart an accusing glare.
Bart frowned. "Oh, Robin? Kon got drugged and said you were pretty again."
"Great." Robin didn't even look up from his computer.
"I did not! I said you were! I always do!"
There was a pause.
"When I'm suffering from delusions and drugs and possibly head injuries, of course."
The pause continued. Robin and Cassie were both actually looking at Kon now.
"I hate everyone in the whole world right now," Kon muttered.
Robin slid a few inches down the couch, away from Kon.
"He dreams about me in bunny costumes," said Bart cheerily.
Kon whimpered and buried his face in his hands.
"I'm trying to get some work done, can you two be weird somewhere else?" Cassie said, frowning at her papers.
Bart handed her a small plastic package with a pink horse staring out with a vacant smile. "Hey, Kon got you this."
Cassie snatched it from his grasp, and began tearing open the package. "Oooh. It has a little raincoat and everything."
"What happened to you needing to work?"
"Raincoat!" Cassie replied. She might have squealed, just a little. “I loved these as a kid. Thank you, Kon!”
"And what happened to it being a symbol of the dark undergod?" Kon challenged.
"We defeated the dark undergod, Kon," said Bart patronizingly.
"...ah." Kon blinked. “It’s been a long day, Bart. I think I just hit my limit.”
“Wasn’t it nice saving things, just the two of us?” Bart leaned back on the couch, a big smile on his face. “We should do that more often. Without costumes.”
Kon choked on his soda.
“No more bunny ears for me,” Bart continued.
Kon stopped coughing. “You didn’t look that bad.”
Robin slid another inch away.
“Hm,” was all Bart said, looking at his legs. Then he looked up. “It was better than your elf costume.”
“You just ruined the moment, Imp,” said Kon.
Cassie finished unpacking the pony’s accessories. “Now that you saved the world, are you ready for your next big adventure? Like the schoolwork you told me you were starting at...” Cassie looked at the clock. “About the time you said Bart took you on an adventure? Why are you still here?”
"Because I've had a long day, I've fought menaces of the underworld, had to endure Imp doing aerobics in frilly... cloth items, and this couch is very comfortable."
"I do more before noon," Robin said.
"Shut up."
Bart snuggled up against Kon and beamed at him. "We saved Ohio!"
"Yes, yes we did. Please go away before I hurt you."
"So... you dream about me?" Bart said smugly.
"Guilt! It was guilt! It was followed by a soldier singing about necrophilia!"
"And this was when I was in a coma?"
"...yes."
"Cassie!" Bart yelled. “Kon’s scaring me!”
"Go away. Both of you. Go take Bart out for a milkshake like a good Kansas boy, Kon,” said Cassie.
"Fine! I will!" Kon stood up, dragging Bart by his hand to the door before it occurred to him what Cassie meant. He looked down. Bart batted his eyelashes. Kon said, "Screw it," and flew off with Bart in tow.